Waiting...

Like the flickering candle burning softly and continuously, so goes my praying and waiting.

The candle is a reflection of my own personal struggle with areas of my life I have no control over. I keep it burning with the prayer that things will change, that is all I know how to do.

I recently offered a loved one a final intervention. He refused the offer. The final intervention was one to help my son overcome his addictions and his own personal demons. I am sorry to say he is not ready to admit to or resolve any of his problems.

It has taken me a lifetime to realize the very obvious answer to a very hard question. How can we as parents help our children or other loved ones when their mistress is a mesmerizing drug that gives them more satisfaction than love, money, peace or God's ever present love? A hard question to ask, an even harder one to answer!

So what do we do? We wait. What do you do in the waiting process?

The waiting process has become my friend. You know sometimes when we have to wait so long, the blessings at the end of the waiting goes beyond our expectations. I think at times unless we have an adversity to overcome, patience to be learned and trusting to be tested we can easily take for granted all the blessings God affords us everyday.

My son and his adversities are his own. I have learned as his mother that unless I let go and let him find his way, his sobriety will never come to be. I have learned not to argue when he is in a state of destruction and to let his cruel and hurtful words fall to the wayside, as I know this is the drug talking and not the little boy I once knew. It is a painful  process to watch and live, but you have to make peace with yourself and with God.

"If I can just get through this..." I do find myself repeating this statement often. My eyes sometimes scan the horizon for the crossroads that will offer me an alternative to the burden of today.  Perseverance is a requirement of faith. I am thankful for this part of the journey because I believe perseverance is also a gift.

If I did not know the sweat of the work, I will never know the sweetness of victory.

Don't be overwhelmed...take it one day and one prayer at a time. Stormie Omartian

Those who wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth. Psalm 37:9 KJV

139 Gordon Ave...

I can almost smell the snow in the air and feel its crunch under my feet. The icicles hung down from the roof, you could just grab one and let it melt slowly on your tongue. But this snow storm, the biggest one I remember was not for me.  I was 5 years old and stuck in the house with chicken pox. I have a picture somewhere of me pouting at the window with a longing look in my eyes.  Well not really, I was just mad I couldn't go out and play. Everything was closed including the schools. The only problem with playing outside, was you had to get out the door. And the snow drifts were so high as you can see, that my dad and my dido had to take a shovel and make a path from one house to another.

You couldn't go downtown, to the store, church, or work. The buses didn't run, and forget trying to get a car out of the driveway. It was at least a week before people started to navigate outside.  We ate whatever was canned for the winter and made do between both houses that all were fed and kept warm.  I remember we had a coal cellar and I am thinking we probably had plenty for the week or maybe we had to use what we had sparingly.

All I know is the winter of 1950 in Campbell, Ohio was one that has stayed in my memory. It was about family and friends coming together in a time of distress and making it work. When you didn't have to lock your door, when helping out a neighbor was what being a neighbor was all about. You shared food, time and a certain spirit of well being with one another.  I am grateful I lived during that period, I am a baby boomer, born the year World War II ended.  I am thankful to have the memories of a wonderous time and a happy childhood.

Contrasts...

What amazing colors blending together in harmony. It makes one wonder if the contrast of colors comes from a beautiful warm sunset, or are they the clouds left behind after a strong storm?

Our life is like this picture, you can be enjoying the beauty or recovering from a personal struggle or storm.

This past weekend I attended an event for a 19 year old young man going away on his first mission.  He is an amazing young man, full of dreams, hopes, and being joyful in doing God's work. I felt honored to hear his words, being humbled in gratitude for his family, friends and a community that has seen him through to this new beginning. He spoke through tears and struggled with giving thanks, but his words were heartfelt and kind.

I was sitting there thinking of another young man who has also had God in his life on more than one occasion. The difference is he doesn't realize it and has not yet learned to appreciate it. He is sitting in a cell today and reflecting on his life once again. He is my son.  A strong contrast of emotions for any mother to handle. But handle we must. We won't grow weary and feel discouraged, rather feel God's presence, embrace his blessings and live each day blessing those we love, but even more important blessing and loving those we know not.

The most striking contrast for me is this: Our God is a good God and has blessed them both. Each in a different way. It reminds me that He is in charge and whatever happens to Jordan on his mission, or to my son in jail, they will both know God. I think my son may still take awhile, but He isn't ready for him as yet and continues to give him grace,  love and yet another opportunity to grow in the Word and become the man I know he can be.

So when you are praying for your children, relatives and friends, don't be surprised if God doesn't answer the way you think He should.  You must find the answers by paying attention to what God has given you. What you prayed for may be buried in such a simple thing we take for granted, life. My son is still alive, he has not injured himself or anyone else, he has been given another chance to turn things around for himself and those who love him.

I will remain on course with my prayers and gratitude and will always pray for his well being and for the blessings that are yet to come for that is all I know to do.

Faith, hope and love...they require that you trust, be of good courage, and forgive so that love can reach in and touch you...Gerri

Hello and goodbye...

This is my friend Leanne. This is the way I will always remember her. A new grand baby in hand and a smile of love and contentment.  She loved her family and grand babies so. They truly were her life. We learned and grew together through the shared experience of being grand parents together.

We met back in 1993 or 94, just when our children were beginning to date. We didn't know each other well back then, but in the past few years we became good friends and confidants. We talked mostly about our grandchildren, but more in the past few years about life, death, and the reason why we are here.
We were just saying hello when goodbye came too soon.

Our commonality were the children. Her capacity for the great love she expressed could never be denied by family or friends. She would be the first one there to help, fix, comfort and was never afraid to speak her mind or the truth. I think I loved that the most about her.  She was a no nonsense kind of woman, strong in physical presence and even stronger in her beliefs and ideals. Family meant everything.

My heart is heavy today for saying goodbye came too soon. Our last meeting a few weeks ago led me to believe that this was our final hello embrace and our final goodbye embrace. It is a knowing between two friends that we could be who we were and could share our deepest thoughts. Her thoughts that last meeting came in a flurry..."Make sure my babies will be okay, help them remember me" she said. We wept silently together and at one point she told me to say what I need to say, do what I want to do, don't wait for everything to be perfect to enjoy life and what it brings.

Our last meeting was bittersweet. We held hands for a long time, just sharing, laughing and just sitting in peaceful silence.

Hello my friend and a final goodbye from this life. I will see you again. I will remember everything we shared and the words, thoughts and plans we made together as grand parents to make sure they never forget. I will keep my promise to you.

Rest in the arms of God my friend til we meet again.

Love and light...

As I lite a candle this year letting go of the old and welcoming in the new, I was reminded how quickly this year had past and a new one was quickly and silently escorted in. Funny how we can't stop the time, live in the past or in the future, we can just live in the now.

There have been adversities, trials, moments of pure joy and moments of unbearable sadness. I wouldn't want life to be any other way.

I continue by trusting, loving,  and living with the knowing that life is just that life...Good, bad, sad, happy, it is what real life is made of.  Don't run from adversity, learn, grown and share what God has brought you through, that is His plan for all of us I think, is to change a life, be it our own or someone elses. Be the love that someone needs to see, feel and embrace.

We can't grow if we are never challenged. I don't want to live my life in darkness, but rather the light, for the light leads the way to where your journey will be taking you. But to see the light we must be enlightened. Fear not for God is always with you. Whether by your side or the side of a loved one, His presence is forever. Let the light envelop you, your heart and the heart of others. Let it shine through you so that others will see and feel the beautiful essence of God.

I do not pray because I believe God will give me all I ask for, I pray because I am not alone, and from gratitude that I am still in life. I pray not for magic but for closeness, not for miracles but for love. Everyday is the season of love.

In his heart a man plans his course; but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9