Out with the old...in with the new!

I am so looking forward to 2013 with a new mind set and new goals, a vision of hope, new strength, and maintaining my peace above all.

I have not written much in the past few months, but it is on my to do list to continue writing, finish and get published "Waiting to Die, Wanting to Live", as I think it is an important story that needs to be shared, and hopefully will touch at least one person.

I don't know why we get stuck or lose our way, but we do. I could feel defeated or pick myself up and keep moving forward, I think I will choose the latter. It is easy for us to get side tracked. One of the problems with that is we are way too hard on ourselves. We forget to give ourselves grace and mercy, just as God gives us everyday. Much harder to be kind to ourselves than one would think. So be gentle and kind to yourself, you deserve it.

I don't think it is necessary to share all that has happened this year, let's just say I was needed in different places for different people. That is part of my journey, to assist others, to give out of kindness and not necessity, and I have to keep myself grounded and healthy so I can do what I have been called to do.

What am I thankful for for 2012?  First of all my continued health. Even with all the ups and downs emotionally that have occurred in my life, my health remains strong, my energy level for a 67 year old is a little slower, but remains present.  I am so amazed some days that God has blessed me so. I guess He must have a reason for my staying. I am glad to be here and staying awhile.

What are you grateful for? Has the past year brought you challenges, obstacles, emotional highs and lows, or an illness that you have had to deal with? If you have had challenges as we all do I will continue to pray for all, and pray that each of us will find our way.

One of the things I have learned yet again is to stay in constant prayer with God. I am a friend of God. He is the only one that listens, does not judge, yet somehow brings me comfort and opens up a path that I had not seen.

We all have something to deal with, it really is the way we embrace it. God has played such an important role in my life this year, some days I think more than years gone by.

So whatever has set you back or if you have lost your way, it is never to late to start over, to love more, to forgive ourselves and others and continue to walk the path that God has planned for us. Get busy living or get busy dying. Great line from a great movie. But it is so true and simply said.

So my writing has awakened in me, back to some creativity, hard work and getting on with what it is I am here to do!

God wants you to be in the world, but so different from the world that you will change it. Get cracking.

"God love you and I love you."  You must say it often to your friends. This world is not starving from a lack of money. It's starving from a want of love.

Love one another deeply, from the heart.1 Peter 1:22 NIV

Seeking...

In this world of negative energy and oh so many problems, there are many who say we must ignore and stay away from ALL negatives in our lives!!!

Don't engage with people with problems, they will only bring you down, drain you and make your life miserable. Some of these people are well meaning ministers, priests, philosophers and such. I really listened to them for a long time thinking my own personal world would be so much better if I didn't engage in any negative energy or be around people with so many problems or drama! I was wrong on every count.

Let me explain! Sometimes people say God helps those who help themselves. But there are times people don't know how to reach out for God or help themselves. You may be the person to step up and into ones world and offer that assistance and have God use you as His instrument.

We can be helpful in so many ways. But first we must allow negative energy to become just a vibration, a vibration that is searching or seeking a helping hand. You don't need to hold onto the vibration, just listen, learn, give advice if asked and help guide a person to where they are trying to go. That is what I think God means by lending a hand both physically, emotionally and spiritually. If the person you are trying to help doesn't make changes or he or she become needy, then you must let them go. But you never stop loving or caring you just switch the vibration of energy to a positive one.

If all you look for in the world is good, you will never know pain, suffering or what real life is about, and it is about all of those things. You can only grow and learn from adversity and paying attention to all that life brings.  Life isn't suppose to be easy! If everything in your life is easy you have missed or turned away from the learning process.

So continue to seek and you shall find a world that is yours for the asking.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it,  Hebrews 12:11 

Not so common...

Common sense would tell you not to touch this hot fire waterfall cascading from a tall mountain. But what do you know about the fire? Is it fire or is it a reflection of colors on the water? Since you are not sure, use your common sense, don't touch, and you won't get burned!

Logic or education might have you believe that there is no such thing as fire and water that flow?  Common sense should tell you to be aware!

Common sense is not so common. I think it is a gift. If you have it, it can pave the way for your life, its outcome and make you more aware of what lie ahead.

Experience in life is the best teacher. If you never experience all that life affords, how can you relate to people, situations that will arise, and most of all how will you grow in wisdom and remain in God's favor it you only think one way and never give life a chance? Common sense tells me to pay attention to life, others opinions, and to embrace the ability to grow beyond our wildest dreams.

Common sense gives one a knowing and a quiet peace that resides within. It allows you to be compassionate to others and their circumstances, and of course this occurs only when you listen, weigh the options of a situation, allow others their opinions, leave room for growth, and make no judgement on others beliefs and embrace a new thought, idea, or maybe receive love from an unlikely source.

I have a college degree in nursing, but my greatest education about life in general and how the real world functions came through getting to know my patients and handling a long term illness of my own.

My illness taught me patience, trusting God more, loving life and living day to day and moment to moment.
Sometimes a moment is enough.

Sometimes people think too hard, rather than feel and use their own judgement. If is not uncommon for us to do that. It is our own fear that can cripple us from taking a leap or step forward for fear of making the wrong decision. What is wrong with that? We can't and don't get it right all the time, so we must learn to use that common sense and let life's lessons teach us as we go.

So whatever you are doing today. Pay attention to life around you, listen, hug, and give more. Use your common sense just as it was given to you.

Today I didn't think like an adult and enjoyed a beautiful day with my daughter and my three grandsons.
We swam together, played baseball, (I was the pitcher), ate a wonderful dinner and played hide and seek. My favorite part was jumping out from my hiding place and scaring Colton. He jumped so high and we laughed and giggled for the longest time. My common sense told me to enjoy the moment and I did.

It is always fun to become child like and enjoy the love that accompanies such small pleasures.

So go have a great day and have some fun.

And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven, Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven  Matthew 18: 3-4

60 days sober...

This is one of my favorite pictures of my son Eric, his son Dylan and myself on a memorable day at the beach. The sun was going down, we had just eaten a wonderful dinner and I enjoyed a wonderful sober moment with him. All was good with the world that day. I spent time with my grandson, and my heart was smiling.

Those who know about Eric know I have struggled for many years trying to keep him sober, make sure he is well, and desperately praying and wishing he would always stay sober. You know all the things we want for all of our children. Unfortunately during that process I became obsessed with every outcome of his life and not my own. I ignored my family, friends, and instead stayed in the horrible moments of his addiction that almost destroyed me.

I became a chronic enabler! I thought if I loved enough, gave enough and made everything right in his world he would want to stay sober and get on with his life. But what had my world become?  It became a series of frantic phone calls, anxiety filled nights and days that are difficult to explain. If you have not walked this walk it would be hard to relate to someone becoming so obsessed with an unknown outcome. We all want order in our lives, we all want control, but life does not present itself that way.

So over the past year I have learned to trust God more, trust my judgement, and I stopped enabling my son financially, physically, and emotionally. At first I felt the guilt swell up in my throat and thought yet again all would be my fault if anything happened to him. Well he did hit bottom!! He became homeless, soul less and was spiritually empty. He figured out a way to get help while on the street and entered a rehabilitation program that was all consuming for him. But for the first time in many years he either willingly or out of desperation reached out for help.

He boarded a bus with a trash bag full of clothes two weeks ago and came for a much needed re spit from the world and his addiction.  I welcomed him with tentative and cautious love, as I had no idea what kind of mood he would present. I now wanted to support him and not just enable him, I now know the difference between the two.

When you enable you take away their own power, they don't have to dig deep, figure things out for themselves and most of all they use you and the world as a crutch. They never take responsibility or learn from their mistakes. You also lose your own power, hope, and your faith can be drained from you if you allow it.

What I have chosen to do is support my son through this difficult period of becoming sober. I monitor his medications, I have tried to help him stand up again. You can only support when they are working hard at helping themselves. I understand that now and stand strong for my own beliefs and have shared some very special moments with a son I haven't known anything about over the past 10 years. There is more inside than I knew. I have become a listener and not a judge.

Enabling and supporting do not go together, so try not to do both at the same time. And remember this is not just about drug addiction, it can be for any addiction or bad behavior. The love for a person doesn't change, just the dynamic of how you will or won't help them.

I pray it will be worth the effort. His journey is now his own. He will be returning back to California tomorrow and begin a new life that only he will know the outcome. I will let go with trepidation, but send him off with hope, love and God's almighty power to touch his heart and help him become the man I know he can be.  So let a person find their own power and set them free to fly.  By setting them free you free yourself.

60 days sober,,,my heart is smiling today because he has accomplished one more day, and today is enough!

Enabling someone gives the person a crutch, supporting gives them the ability to stand on their own, and the common denominator between both is unconditional love...


Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time...1 Peter 5:6 NIV

Motherhood...

I thought a lot about Mother's Day this past week or so.  I reflected on my own relationship with my mother and my relationship with my own children. The picture of my mom was taken on her engagement day. She was yet to become a wife, a mother and grandmother. She had no idea what formula to follow. She had no mother to teach her. She, I believe like all of us, learn as we go.

Mother's Day...what does that mean to you? Many mothers, grandmothers, and women sit with a carefully placed bouquet of flowers, maybe a quick meal, a hasty phone call while others had a quiet day with family celebrating the love between them and just being in the presence of one another. Which one were you?

I think we are both at different times of our lives.  Society is quick to remind us of the importance of being a good mother. Are we doing enough, will I do it the right way, do I love everyone the same?  So many unanswered questions?  It is hard to fulfill all that we think the world wants us to be, and for sure what we want to be.

It occurred to me that maybe the best people to ask what they expect or want from us is our own children. We rarely do that, as sometimes we are afraid to look at ourselves and maybe make the necessary changes or be reminded that we make mistakes. There are times you must right a wrong. If need be do it and move on. We needn't be so hard on ourselves, so don't be. I am not perfect, always right, and don't always fulfill the needs of my children or grand children.

So what I have learned as a mother and grandmother is not to be so hard on myself. I can't be everything for everyone all the time. Time is a gift, it is the gift I really want for Mother's Day. A few hours to sit, talk and reminisce about the past and what the future holds for my children and their children. I am not much of a gift kind of mom. I'd rather have you love me all year long, and maybe bring me a flower or a meal on a day that it is unexpected. That, I think should be the theme of the day. But I am an old fashion lady who will always take pleasure in the simple things.

I use to wonder why my mother was always so fussy about the day, I think I understand it now, but don't really believe in the theory. My sisters and I never questioned what we would be doing on Mother's Day, our mother let us know what she wanted, what time to be there, and don't be late!!!! But she had no reference point to reflect on. So in theory she was right, we are to honor our mothers, but not just on Mother's Day, maybe we should consider being kind and loving throughout the year. Give that some thought!!!

Wishing you a Happy Mother's Day filled with love and memories.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless...Mother Teresa
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