Being vulnerable...

Sitting in quiet repose, I reflect on the past week of events in my life, and attempt to sort through what to hold onto and what to let go.

It was a whirlwind of faces, places, celebrations, and a few sad moments. There were many events to attend and enjoy, graduation, baby shower, visits with sons, sisters, nephews, friends, and new acquaintances not expected. 

There were also five visits to doctors, tests to complete, results to hear. All in all I returned with good results.

My transplanted kidney is strong and holding steady, my heart results good. I was thinking of how vulnerable we become when we visit a doctor and wait for those RESULTS!

Returning to a doctors office once again reminds me of being a patient, and I do indeed become vulnerable.
A walk past the dialysis unit with its pungent odor of medication and what used to remind me of death in some way triggers my brain into revisiting what was, but is no more. That familiar feeling of fear reappears.

I am not just a patient waiting for someone to tell me my fate or what my future will be. Instead I have grown in my walk and trust in God to be more than I think I can be.  There have been too many doctor visits, too many hospital stays, too many tests, too many bad results in the past 14 years. But I am still here, when by all accounts I shouldn't be.

Funny what your mind can do!  What doctors say is one thing, how you approach and live your life is another. I choose to live it fully and without hesitation. I refuse to be put in a corner and treat my mind, body and spirit as if it is somehow controlled by others, when in reality it is controlled by me.

If you think you are sick you are. The worst feeling is falling prey to being a victim. The universe and God provides us with all we need to cope and keep our bodies in tune. That of course doesn't mean that we don't follow doctors orders or be foolish about taking care of ourselves. Doctors can and are a God send to help us heal, then it is our job to do whatever maintenance necessary to stay well and live fully.

In your own life when vulnerability hits you between the eyes, stop, take a deep breath and refocus that energy into prayer, trust, and feel the joy that is yours for the asking. We especially need to do that through frustration, fear, anxiety, sadness, closing of a chapter in one's life, loneliness, and allowing others to make their own mistakes and follow their own path in life.

I will hold onto my God and let go of vulnerability and fear. It is a daily walk and I will continue to remind myself of the importance of letting go and letting God.

Remember that God rules both mountaintops and valleys with limitless wisdom and love, now and forever.

Learn to have a sense of humor, for these are the weapons of the angels...

Often in the midst of great problems, we stop short of the real blessing God has for us, which is a fresh vision of who He is...Anne Graham Lotz