Boundaries...

Photo by:
Christina Van Such Dawson

The bright light with a pink aura glistening on the water gave me pause to take a closer look at the picture my sister took on her 50th birthday. I thought it was taken at dusk, just before the sun disappears below the horizon.  But somehow her camera captured the brightness of the sun in the middle of the day. I think it is an awesome capture of God and His angels in attendance.

I just finished reading a book titled Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It is a powerful message about setting boundaries within ourselves and others.

There are many types of boundaries. For some it is physical, others spiritual and to many it is emotional boundaries that we must set for ourselves.

I often wondered why God has blessed me with continued good health and a purpose of strength and authority over my life. Now I think I  know what that means. Did God keep me here to be strong enough to say no to people or to continue to assist and have no personal boundaries? It is a question I ponder whenever adversities appear in my life, and I have to make that yes or no decision.

Knowing when to say yes and when to say no is a common theme throughout the book. Saying no is a powerful tool. Even in early childhood when your children are learning about life and values, we as parents must allow them to say no to some things. Saying no gives one power and eventually peace. If they are taught to always comply early on, how will they have the power to say no to drugs, alcohol, unseemly behavior and save their own personal space to grow.

Boundaries that are set in childhood unfortunately will walk right into your adulthood. If you don't know what to look for, or don't stay open to self examination, growth is impossible. Not only do we lose out on the blessings, but we hinder the growth of our own children by not teaching them when to say yes and the empowerment of saying no. For change to take place, it must start with you.

The book and its lessons have given me a better look at myself and others. It is biblically savvey and common sense rich. Scriptures are shared and weaved into an opportunity to see yourself, study yourself and begin in the smallest way to see others.

My sister and I have shared the same vision about being blessed and opportunities afforded us through the words of God. We stand strong in our vision and stay open to opportunities that brush our way. We are learning about discernment and self examination of the soul. She stands strong against her own private struggles and I stand firm in my continued faith and trust. We can feel each other through the knowing of God.

Boundaries that are set early on will enrich your life. At 65 I am just learning to set strong boundaries. It is never too late to learn, grow, share, love, and find the peace you seek. You just need to remain open, be willing to change something in yourself rather than trying to change someone else.

Set your boundaries and continue to love.

God values us and asks that we seek Him in adversity and celebrate with Him in triumphs.

Faith, hope, and love remain, but the greatest of these is love. (1Cor: 13:13)

Being vulnerable...

Sitting in quiet repose, I reflect on the past week of events in my life, and attempt to sort through what to hold onto and what to let go.

It was a whirlwind of faces, places, celebrations, and a few sad moments. There were many events to attend and enjoy, graduation, baby shower, visits with sons, sisters, nephews, friends, and new acquaintances not expected. 

There were also five visits to doctors, tests to complete, results to hear. All in all I returned with good results.

My transplanted kidney is strong and holding steady, my heart results good. I was thinking of how vulnerable we become when we visit a doctor and wait for those RESULTS!

Returning to a doctors office once again reminds me of being a patient, and I do indeed become vulnerable.
A walk past the dialysis unit with its pungent odor of medication and what used to remind me of death in some way triggers my brain into revisiting what was, but is no more. That familiar feeling of fear reappears.

I am not just a patient waiting for someone to tell me my fate or what my future will be. Instead I have grown in my walk and trust in God to be more than I think I can be.  There have been too many doctor visits, too many hospital stays, too many tests, too many bad results in the past 14 years. But I am still here, when by all accounts I shouldn't be.

Funny what your mind can do!  What doctors say is one thing, how you approach and live your life is another. I choose to live it fully and without hesitation. I refuse to be put in a corner and treat my mind, body and spirit as if it is somehow controlled by others, when in reality it is controlled by me.

If you think you are sick you are. The worst feeling is falling prey to being a victim. The universe and God provides us with all we need to cope and keep our bodies in tune. That of course doesn't mean that we don't follow doctors orders or be foolish about taking care of ourselves. Doctors can and are a God send to help us heal, then it is our job to do whatever maintenance necessary to stay well and live fully.

In your own life when vulnerability hits you between the eyes, stop, take a deep breath and refocus that energy into prayer, trust, and feel the joy that is yours for the asking. We especially need to do that through frustration, fear, anxiety, sadness, closing of a chapter in one's life, loneliness, and allowing others to make their own mistakes and follow their own path in life.

I will hold onto my God and let go of vulnerability and fear. It is a daily walk and I will continue to remind myself of the importance of letting go and letting God.

Remember that God rules both mountaintops and valleys with limitless wisdom and love, now and forever.

Learn to have a sense of humor, for these are the weapons of the angels...

Often in the midst of great problems, we stop short of the real blessing God has for us, which is a fresh vision of who He is...Anne Graham Lotz

Release...

Like the candles dancing in a purple haze of hope, we need to release that which does not belong to us, and release that which we cannot change. A flickering of hope gives us the opportunity to change ourselves, our views. and to see in ourselves and others God's great opportunities that He affords us.

It is amazing to me that we, men or women, think if we prayer hard enough, wait long enough or sometimes talk loud enough that others will hear us. Voices and thoughts are not always heard by those we care for the most. The louder your voice is, the least likely they are to hear you. Speak quietly, gently and with kindness in your voice and you will find people straining to hear what you are trying to say. Kindness and grace can make all the difference.

Letting go and releasing that which is unmovable, unchangeable, or not to our liking is one of our biggest challenges. I cannot change what people do, who they are, or how they affect me personally. I can only change my perception and how I view life in all its glory.

I juggled many visits with those I love and every visit had its own face of joy, sadness, fear and love. My emotions were high, low and somewhere in between.

Today I release all those things I cannot change to God and pray that I remain grounded, focused and full of love.

By loving God, life, people and ourselves, we will find what it is we earnestly seek. Love someone earnestly today.

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. Proverbs 9:10 NIV 

Sitting on "I don't know"...

Enduring the unknowns can be a draining experience for most of us. Whether you are waiting for the results of a test, or the outcome of a possible job,we tend to want the answers now.

In the waiting we can learn patience and gain wisdom and allow our inner sorting process to happen naturally...in other words sitting with our "I don't know" and not forcing ourselves into making commitments or decisions before we really know what is best.

Over my life I have always been uncomfortable in the unknowns. When will it happen, what will it be like, will he or she be safe, what is the outcome of decision I just made?  Unknown answers can consume you and your spirit.

So how do we live in the unknowns? I think our task while waiting in the unknowns is to accept the process as creative and productive. I have found my walk with God to be the most trusting place I can be in the waiting period. Most of our answers will unfold from an internal questioning period in which the only honest and authentic reality is  "I don't know." And that is okay. Before you make a decision, especially a life changing one, you may need to sit in the "I don't know" phase for awhile.

The reason we say "I don't know" is that we really don't know.  Otherwise you would have a quick yes or no answer. So that little nagging and unsettling feeling can be a time to gather the information necessary to make valid decisions.

Although sitting with our "I don't knows" may feel like an endless free-fall, we must trust God on the way down, for He is the only one who can help you up. Without trust you question your faith, and when you question your faith you may lose God.

Be gentle and kind with yourself. Don't be in such a hurry. Life goes by fast enough, enjoy the journey and all it brings.


So if you are in the "I don't know" today, rest easy, trust wholeheartedly, and start trusting yourself to make good decisions...and above all call on God to lead the way.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor.4:18)

Everytime a bell rings...

This is National Donor Awareness Month. I am reminded everyday that I am a kidney transplant survivor and remain humbled that I have been given such a gift. A gift of life that has afforded me nine wonderful years of life that would never have been possible.

My living donor, my son Eric and my grandson Dylan give me pause to stop, be thankful and not take my daily life for granted.

This past Sunday I attended an event for Donor families, families and loved ones that have lost someone special in their lives. The event was held in a small chapel at St. Joseph's Hospital in Phoenix. I was assigned as a volunteer to greet the families coming to pay tribute to their love ones. I felt honored to be a part of this day.

I was suddenly aware of the stillness and reverence in the chapel as family members quietly displayed their photos and mementos on a table and took to their seats. As if God himself had entered the room surrounded by His angels, you could almost feel the donors sitting near their loved ones as they told stories of joy, love, laughter, loss, and profound sadness.

The ceremony started and a woman started telling the story of the significance of a ringing bell. My favorite description was from "It's a Wonderful Life", if you have seen the movie you remember the line "When a bell rings an angel gets his wings."  What a lovely thought.

As each family member approached and told their story a bell rang in the silence and was presented as a gift to the donor families. At the end of all the stories they were told to ring their bell and celebrate the life of the one that gave life to another. The angels came alive in the room, you could feel their presence as the bells rang loudly and with such love.

The resounding sound sent chills down my spine and brought me to a place of sadness and joy that is hard to describe. As if heaven itself had touched the room, there were tears of grief, tears of gratefulness for those of use who received the gift, and a little of God's presence that was there to be embraced.

I was present that day to experience a once in a lifetime moment of profound gratitude. Be present in your own life and in the life of others.  Take the time to listen and take the time to receive a gift that is heaven sent...God's unconditional love and His grace.  Take the time to bless someone as you are blessed in return.

I say thank you to all who have or will consider being a donor, you will never know how it can impact a life. And a special thank you to my son Eric for changing my life and giving me years that I never thought I would have. You are my angel.

So the next time you hear a bell ring, think of all the angels and their families who gave the most unselfish of gifts, life...and be thankful for yours.

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it, when it is within your power to act. Proverbs 3:27 NIV